I walk into the locker room and head for the showers. What is that noise? Clip, clip, clip, clip, clip. There she is, sitting on the edge of the bench, in her teal underwear, clipping her toenails. Barf. I do a double take. Is that a pumice stone? Double barf. Clip, clip, clip. Time for a locker room etiquette article. Bring back the days of snapping towels in the locker room.  I am channeling my inner muse, “Go home lady, go home lady.” Not working.

Here are Barbie’s Locker Room Tips:

-Do not leave your swimming bag, duffel bag, or suitcase on the locker room benches. Bags go in the lockers or with you out to the pool area. When you leave your bags on the bench, where are we going to sit?  If your bags are too big for the lockers, you need to downsize. You are going swimming, not to Paris.

-Leave your cologne and perfume at home. You have ruined everyone’s workout. I am trying to teach “air-exchange” to my clients, not how to hold their breath as they walk through the locker room.

-Do not shave your legs and armpits in the shower. This is not the time or place to do a ten-minute deep conditioning of your hair. People need to get going (like to work!), and you have been in the shower stall for thirty minutes.

-If you bring personal items to the pool, please take them with you when you leave or throw them away. This includes undergarments. Leaving them for the staff is gross.

-If the staff at your pool club has provided a towel for you to use, do not put it in the trash with the water bottles. Use the provided towel hamper.

-Respect personal space. If you are swimming at a public pool, it can be busy. Very busy. The swim team uses the pool at all hours. There could be swim lessons. Children!!! The locker rooms can be crowded. Everyone has to respect each other. Public pools are not the same as the country club pool.

-Do not use your cell phone in the locker room. Do not text in the locker room.  Get dressed and use your phone in the lobby or outdoors. People may be waiting for your “space,” and chances are, people don’t want to hear you make your doctor’s appointment or talk to your child’s teacher.

Remember:  Be courteous, be quick, take up little space and then get out!